Only a few short weeks ago, I wrote a post saying “I rarely write about anything really personal on Being Anne”. My apologies, but I’m about to do it again.
On 8th November I published a “coming up” post, promising many things – you’ll find it here – and so many people responded telling me it was all looked rather too much. And you were all absolutely right – I was wrong. I’m sorry, I just can’t deliver what I’d hoped to. I haven’t finished a book in a couple of weeks – reading has always been my escape, but this time it’s just not working.
My days are spent caring for my mum, who’s unable to do very much without direction and supervision, and is struggling with the loss of my father. All the sorting out of the estate is almost done, but now I’m also trying to pack up (and sell) nearly 50 years of family home in around 8 weeks (and over Christmas) to move her to a retirement development near me in Yorkshire. That’ll make life (for us both) so much easier – but until it happens, I just can’t function as I’d really like and want to. I’m managing an hour on line before Mum gets up in the morning – and another hour in the evening if there’s something good on TV.
You all keep telling me to stop apologising – but I do feel really bad to be letting people down. I’ve promised guest posts and cover reveals over the next couple of months, and that I can and will manage. But the reviews – the best I can say is that whatever I read, I will review. So many of my author friends won’t be getting what I promised – and I’m really sorry. And if I manage to share or tweet people’s posts, it means my day has started particularly early. Those of you who write books or manage blogging commitments around families, jobs and caring have my endless admiration.
There’s a wonderful light at the end of the tunnel. Some of you may be aware of Churchill Homes – they’re building a new development in Wetherby (where I live) with the most gorgeous flats for people of retirement age, simply perfect for Mum. They have a site manager and an alarm system, everything designed for someone in their 90s, plus a social side with a residents’ lounge (as good as a luxury hotel), a magnificent garden (which Mum’s flat will overlook), and it’s all 5 minutes’ walk from the town centre. And I’m already involved with our local U3A – they run theatre trips, days out, concert outings, and Mum will love it.
But we need to complete on the flat by the end of January – we need to sell the family home very quickly (or part exchange it), and the amount of dismantling required on a lifetime family home is incredibly daunting. Mum and Dad were married for 62 years – and have lived here for almost 50 of them. Every item we handle is steeped in memories, and progress is slow. For anyone who doesn’t know, I’m doing this on my own – my only brother died a couple of years ago, I’m single, and there is no other family to assist. When I worked, I used to be a project manager – so this should all be largely within my comfort zone. But I hadn’t analysed my risks well enough – I’d grossly underestimated the support needed by Mum alongside the work needed.
So again – and I know you’ll all tell me I don’t need to, and I do love you for it – I apologise for letting you all down. If I review more than a small few of the books I planned to, it’ll be as much of a surprise to me as it will be to you. The promised commitments – guest posts, spotlights, cover reveals – will ALL be delivered. If I didn’t do that – my little bit of normality – I’d go nuts. I will too look forward to seeing some of you at a London party next week, and at a lunch date in Leeds on 10th December. Other than that, roll on the end of January when life will (hopefully…) return to something like normal again.
Much love, Anne xx
Take all the time you need, family must come first.
Thank you, Rosie xx
You just made me cry Anne. And with my own Dad’s funeral today I know EXACTLY how you feel. Take care of yourself too and I’ll see you next week x
I am sorry, Linda! And I very much know I’m not the only one struggling at the moment. You’ll be very much in my thoughts today xxx
Thanks so much – it all went off very well x
Thoughts very much with you and yours today, Linda – it’s been such a long and distressing time for you all. Sending huge cyber hugs – hope everything goes OK. xxx Anne PW
Thank you. I appreciate it x
Take care, Linda. Thinking of you today. x
Thanks Kendra x
I agree with Rosie, family must come first. You are part of a hugely supportive online community who will always be here for you when you need it. Take the time you need and know that we are only a mouse click away. Big hugs xx
You all keep me going Shelley – and thank you! xx
Hi Anne, these times in our lives just come and there is nothing you can do but roll with it. Earlier this year was a similar time for me; a house renovation and a home to sell that my husband and I were committed to but then he became very ill and I had to do the whole thing alone. I did and managed things that I have never done before and the endless jobs did indeed take over my whole life. At that time I had just published my second novel but to no fanfare at all (there was just no time) and my reading and reviewing list just got longer and longer -I am still trying to catch up! It is taking a long time to get to something approaching the ‘normal’ I used to know.I felt bad for everyone that I ‘let down’ but just ‘went quiet’.
Although I know that all your friends here will entirely understand I think you have taken the better way, to tell everyone what is going on in your life. I did eventually, but I wish I had earlier.
Good luck with all the moving, it will come together and the place for your mum sounds wonderful. Best wishes to you and take care.
Wendy, thank you for your lovely supportive comment. It wasn’t easy to share, but I’m rather glad I have. I do hope your “normal” will be restored soon too – very best wishes xxx
Lovely lady. I miss you and think of you daily. Take care of yourself xx
Thank you, my lovely – and we will celebrate your birthday one day! xx
I feel for you Anne, hugs and take care xx
Sending you the hugest, mahoosivest, squishiest hugs I can, Anne. Mum’s flat was easy in comparison with what you describe and even that was tough. I found I got a touch more ruthless as I went along but I also had a brother nearby who shared the load and one further away who helped a couple of times. Sending you all the energy and positive vibes I can. xx
You and your mum come first Anne. Read if you want but for escape and pleasure. Books will still be there ready for you when you are ready for them. xx
You are such a lovely lady Anne that you even think you need to apologise! Family always must come first in your life. I’m glad you will soon have your mum closer to you. Take care xxx
Anne my heart goes out to you. You take care and make sure that your mum is comfortable and happy then you will be again too. I lost my mum 30 years ago this December and my dad 24 years ago and there isn’t a day goes by that I don’t think of them. Your mum is so very precious Anne, I so admire what you are doing for her. Massive hugs ??
Just take care of yourself and your loved ones. Nothing takes priority over that xx
Oh bless you Anne what a difficult time for you – sending you my very best wishes x
Family always come first my lovely, take as much time as you need to. xx
I hope it all goes well it sounds very hard for you. Don’t feel guilty authors understand. If you want I’m happy to review for other bloggers. Take care lovely xx
We’re all here for you, and we all love you. Look after yourself xxx
Oh, Anne! You know, all you had to say was “Sorry gang. No can do.” We’d all have understood anyway. I really do feel for you, and I’m so sorry for all the things you and your mum are going through. Please don’t give the reviews a second thought. Family is more important, and I’m sure we all feel the same. You’ve been through enough and it’s time to put yourself first. I hope it all goes well, and I’ll be thinking of you. Take care xx
Echoing all the love above for a wonderful lady. You give such support to authors and others, great and small, now it’s time for you to be on the receiving end of that support network. Take from it as and when you need it, because it will always be there – for you, especially. xxx APW
PS Just can’t get the staff… 🙂
Anne, there are times when family must come first. No, scratch that. Family must come first always. Our thoughts are with you at this difficult time. But please don’t forget to take some time just for yourself, too. Look after yourself and good luck with the house sale. E x
Did this (clearing out family home after father’s death) a few years ago, but it took four months at least. Emotional, dusty, physical, conundrumming (yes that is a word). Much pain, some pleasure – freecycle were brilliant and it was gratifying to give his CDs to the music dept of a struggling school through them, and his red velvet armchair to a charity santa’s grotto! I wish you and your mother well and if you are in London on Saturday I shall buy you a well earned drink!
What everyone else says… In abundance.
Best love & blessings. xXx
It’s all down to priorities and family must come first. All best wishes to you and your mum xx
Hi Anne, don’t worry, family is first and you know we’re all here for you. Take care and sending a big hug for your mum xx
Take care, Anne. You’ll be in my thoughts. And best of luck with everything. x
I won’t tell you to stop aologising as I’m a major culprit for doing it myself. What I will say is that family comes first, as you are doing, and there’s not guilt in that.
My mum is very ill and I’ve had depression which have derailed me with writing endeavours. I thought people would be annoyed or feel let down with me. Then, like you, I was honest and wrote about it on my blog. People have been so supportive and encouraging as I can see they have for you from all the lovely comments here.
Writing can be therapy; for us and those that read it. Share your personal experiences without apology because you could be helping others without even knowing it. It also makes you human.
I wish you well in the coming days and thank you for being so open and honest. x
Thinking of you too, Anne – these things have to be endured, but you must think of yourself too in all this and not get too worn down. Love to you. x
I have tears in my eyes, Anne. I cannot imagine the dismantling of the family home and of all those memories. 🙁
I’m so happy, though, that you have found such a lovely place for your mum to stay. It sounds wonderful, and Wetherby is so delightful.
Like everyone else, I want you to take care of you first! There is not one person who would think badly of you – you’re already doing way more than many could manage in the same circumstances!
Sending you love and hugs and please please don’t feel you’ve let people down. <3
One day at a time .. thinking of you. Lots of love xx
Sending lots of hugs and love Anne, such a difficult time for you. Take care. L. xxx
Sending love and hugs Anne. Take care of you. Xx
Sending hugs, lovely lady. Xx
Awww lovely lady, family always come first and I really feel for you sending you a big hug and lots of love and please take care of yourself as well x X
I’m so sorry for everything you’re going through, Anne. There is light at the end of the tunnel. The sheltered housing you have found in Wetherby sounds a wonderful place. I hope you can look forward to seeing your mum settled and that next year brings less stressful.times. I hope to meet you next week. Best wishes.
The books and reviews will wait, life won’t. Don’t feel guilty about doing what you have to do and try and find some recovery time for yourself in all this. Hope things work out and you can get yourself back on an even keel which will help you to feel better. love and hugs xx
Dear Anne, you and your Mum’s well-being are the priority – books will always be there to pick up later when you have the energy to read. Sounds like you’ve already done an amazing amount – and the sheltered housing sounds lovely. Is it the development down by the river?
Anyway, will be thinking of you and wishing you well. Love and courage.
I’m so sorry that you’re going through all this on your own, Anne. Do take care of yourself and your mother and I hope the move goes smoothly. Wishing you all the best x
Sending you love and hugs Anne. It can’t be easy, especially doing it all on your own. Fingers crossed you get everything sorted for you and your mum as soon as possible x
Thinking of you, Anne, and your mum. The sheltered housing sounds really lovely. Sending lots of positive thoughts your way. Take care.
Sending much love and hugs, Anne. These times are hard. Families must always come first. I’m sure there is no one who doesn’t understand. Take all the time it needs and come back when you are ready.Jx
Anne can’t say anything apart from I’m thinking of you and sending lots of love xxx
Oh Anne, what an emotional post and one that’s reduced me to tears. My heart goes out to you lovely lady. We’ve all said it before, family comes first and you need to look after yourself first and foremost. Everything else can wait xxx
No need to apologise, Anne. Losing a parent is one of the toughest experiences we go through. I’m thinking of you and sending you love and hugs. xxx
All in your own time, Anne, now you must focus on other things, steady as you go and sending you lots of love, healing and understanding. X